Misstakes

Hi

I realise now that you should always get to know someone flirt a bit then ask them out rather than what I did- which was just ask someone who was in my friend group but we didn’t really talk much apart from when there was like ten of us there. I did however beat the system it may be harder to get things started this way but I believe that this method bypasses most chances of getting stuck in the friend zone.

By clearly showing your intent from the start verbally rather than beating around the bush and have the chance of it being misread; you can straight away get into things with no awkward “are you going out”, “you should ask her out”, “do you like her” etc. because everyone who inevitably finds out (in my situation I told a friend who told his girlfriend who told everybody, but this didn’t matter because my other friends sister was there and saw us plus a few people from school saw us as well somehow without me realising until they brought it up when we all got bored in English- which is alot of the time since we’ve finished the exams but they don’t want to have a whole half year to have a free period at the same time so they give us fill in lessons of more English despite not needing it) will already know most of those answers and can guess the rest.

Unfortunately this didn’t give us time to get to know each other and leaves alot of awkward gaps which thanks to my overworking Amygdala leads to anxiety over what I should be doing/ not doing. Most people I can read pretty well but this girl somehow defies my ability of people reading. I’m not sure if it’s just because I’m nervous or because she has an excellent poker face- that gives me an idea poker sorry you’d have to be inside and outside my brain to get it but basically I feel alot more comfortable around friends so a drunken poker game gives me a perfect opportunity for something pretty irrelevant but not entirely that story is for another time though. Things are on the up for me which I’m quite pleased about especially since how low I had gotten I’m not sure if I mentioned it before but self harm which I didn’t find it helped at all apart from venting my anger but this blog helped alot more for that and for minor depression than anything else I’ve heard of or tried- sorry for the terrible sentence structure there. I’m feeling happy which is a great feeling to feel after along while of occasional good days but mostly ending up on a downward spiral into anger and hatred. 

Also on a good note my Dad is becoming suspicious and attempting to get information about my social/sex life from my mother. The funny thing is he thinks hes found something here after months of me planting things in his brain and he doesn’t think I know that he’s worked anything out. But on a down side my Mum found out about this girl because my brother is a dirty grass. I told him accidentally so then to get me back for pissing him off after he was being a dick he told her. Fortunately she hasn’t told my Dad anything that she shouldn’t have as I have now managed to harness everybody’s full potential in my family to help me annoy my Dad. They are all pawns in my mind game. My Dad hasn’t yet found out anything that I have not wanted him to unless my Mum has turned against me and he is just messing with me to get me back but that doesn’t seem very likely. 

Sorry but my computer is set to a weird setting and I can’t switch it back so I can’t edit this blog post so to explain the first paragraph I made it someone random this is not the case. It just happened to be she was in my friend group and I liked her and thought there was a chance she liked me even if it was just enough to see how things go. She is beautiful and funny and not afraid to do random things like join in singing a song from the best unknown band there is (they’re not that unknown as they are pretty famous across the globe but no-one seems to know them- tenacious D-the song was kickapoo by the way) that was a good day everyone in the entire building could hear us singing there was like 5 or 6 of us doing it at the top of our voices. I know most people sing alot but not at the top of their voices surrounded by judgemental phallus jockeys, well most of them aren’t phallus jockeys I just really wanted to call someone that… no offence was intended. Back from the singing tangent she’s a really nice human being and I hope to get to know her better (not like that you dirty bastards I meant mentally not physically I’m not gonna say I don’t but that’s not the point I’m trying to come off as sweet and thoughtful here).

Bye thanks for reading

Sorry again for the bad editing I can’t change anything without it deleting the next few words as well.

Lifes bollucks

Hi

I know I’ve said I promised to stop complaining about life but its like a house of cards it takes a whole lot of patience, practice and persistence but can be destroyed within a millisecond with no warning or without an explanation.

I’ve come to realise life is a sadistic mash up of bollucks taped together with a fusion of the opposite ends of the tape scale duck tape and masking tape. It is then squished inside a mason jar (which we don’t have here if I’m correct in this dreadful country that I have to live in for a number of more years). It is then blended with a hand blender still in the jar the ball of balls is then compressed down into a layer of flesh at the bottom of the jar in which someone farts in and then fastens the lid and then finally tossed into outer space where it explodes due to lack of atmospheric pressure.

I’m pretty sure I’m not depressed but just frustratingly annoyed and angry about absolutely nothing and everything all in one tiny thought stuck in the back of my mind which is mixed with a song so ironically wrong that it could piss off the most sane, straight minded, focused person who ever lived or will live in the near and distant future; a song so devastatingly stupid I will not mention any of the lyrics or the name (mainly because I don’t actually know the name but still you get the picture). And all this makes me even more angry because when I think or remember one or the other it reminds me of the one not stated before this.

Apart from my suspected mental break down, which my brother predicted yesterday when I said I was having such a great day, my life is going pretty well in general: I’m settling into my new house, the internet is working now, I’ve finished all my tests that I know of, all lost data I wanted and/or needed had been re covered, my dad is getting married which is great because he is so much happier now, I’ve got so many more excuses to get drunk at the wedding at the reception the house warming partyx2 the welcome home party end of year party book burning party camping etc., but as I am writing this I’m realising that the very…very old saying you are not complete if your on your own (or something about saying you need to be with someone) is completely true and I am seeing it more and more.

I’m loosing my confidence and no one is going to find out at school because as always I’ll keep my feelings to my self and on the inside I will metaphorically ripe my face off and tear it in half and half and half and half and half until I have a fist full of face confetti (quote from big bang theory duh!!) which will end up me being in a downward spiral until I lash out and punch something and tear shit apart thread by thread physically and mentally.

And if that wasn’t enough I still can’t stop swearing FFUUCCKK!!

Bye

Thanks for reading, I’m not going to ask for comments because I hate it when people do that and I don’t want to be a hypocrite more than I already am.